James 1:27

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the
Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let
the world corrupt you.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

It just keeps getting better.

I have wanted to blog SO many times lately but just feel overwhelmed at the thought of putting my thoughts/heart into words. The longer I wait, the harder it gets. I want to write more. I want to take the time to ponder and share our continued story in words.

Isaiah is almost 5 months old. At his four month apt he was 75% for weight and 90% for height. Today, I changed all of his 3-6 months clothes out for 6-9 months. The other day I put a 3-6 month onesie on him and it was so small. I was shocked.

Time goes so fast, too fast. I have said many times in the last month that I feel like I am now just beginning to grasp this gift that the Lord gave us. No longer sleep deprived, no longer floating thru the newborn stage, no longer so dumbfounded- I am able to look at what God did, and stand in awe (although dumbfounded and awe mean similar things...so I am at a loss of words here). Not that I didn't before. But I mean, seriously, this story God brought together is amazing. I have this deep deep thankfulness and gratitude. I look at him during worship and cry. There was one time while worshipping that he was staring at me the entire time. I just stared back, crying. He loves to hear my voice. I love to see his smile.

My friend commented tonight that there is love in his eyes when he looks at me. We were at Community Fellowship at Harvest (Leah's school) and every time people would clap, he would startle awake, confused and afraid.  His eyes would dart around in fear and then he would find my face and smile. Beam. His eyes would light up, then he would go back to sleep.  He adores me and I adore him.

This makes me think of the love of our Heavenly father. He adores me. He longs for me to seek HIS FACE when I am startled, uncertain, scared. And when I find His face, I find peace, and I am able to rest...no matter what the circumstances around us are, no matter what the noise of life is, no matter what the fear and confusion...to rest in Him. How great His love must be for us. I have experienced more and at a deeper level because of adoption.  We are so humbled that the Lord gave us the gift. We would not change a thing about what we went through. No, the road wasn't easy. But the glory FAR outweighs it all. It talks about that in Scripture...how our light and momentary troubles will far be outweighed by the glory that is revealed. I know it is talking of eternity with our creator, our Father...but it also makes me think of how His glory is revealed here on earth. How he allows us to experience that and how He redeems our pain. He turns mourning into dancing.

I wish I could explain how amazing adoption is. I wish more people would do it. I wish that people would know, yes it is hard. But it is WORTH IT. SO worth it. I wish I could help people that are hesitant, to understand- you WILL love this child. It was love at first sight with Isaiah but I read something that totally struck a chord with me. It was more like lust at first night (obviously not lust, using a comparison here).  And after all of that fades away, what are you left with? I was left tired, unsure of how much I loved him, questions of what ifs- what if i dont love him, what if he isnt cute, what if this turns out terrible etc etc. But it was a process. The typical bonding process takes 4-6 months. And now I am so in love with him...those what ifs seem a million miles away. I think the what ifs keep people from adopting. But if you could only know that they fade into oblivion and what you are left with is pure love, pure joy, and just truly being humbled that you could be given such a gift.

Yes, we saved Isaiah's life, in a way...but WE didn't, God did. We were just willing vessels. I know the Lord is looking for so many more willing vessels for His precious children- special needs or not. It is amazing how blessed we are by Isaiah. It is amazing to watch my husband with him, so in love (the bonding process was much quicker for him). Eddie, who a couple years ago thought he would never want to adopt.... he told me the classic "maybe one day down the road". Little did we know, God would totally transform his heart and bless us so much in the process.

Isaiah is doing amazingly well. The only struggles he has are gastrointestinal. He spits up a lot and seems like he is in pain at times...esp when it comes thru his nose (you can tell it burns so bad). Yet, he continues to thrive. He sleeps at least 12 hrs at night, has started taking great naps, and in between sleeping and eating- he smiles and laughs. This boy belly laughs. A lot! I make silly faces and crazy sounds at him all day long and he cracks up! When he is about to lose it crying I start doing that, and he just just laughs away. It's the best.

I am thankful I decided to stay home this year. I am with him all the time, yet time still just flies away from me. We needed/need this time together.

Thank you for continuing to keep our family and Isaiah in your prayers. God is so good. We finalized in court the other day, and he is now officially and forever a White. On this day I thought about how once we choose surrender our lives to Jesus, there is nothing we can do to make him reject us, love us less, throw us aside (no matter how badly we mess up). I was thinking about how Isaiah is now a White, and no matter what he does, we will love him and he will be ours. The only way that would change is if he went to court to change his name. It has just been such a picture of the fact that as believers, we are adopted as sons and daughters of God. There is nothing- NOTHING- we can do to make him love us any less or any more. Praying for a greater revelation of this kind of love that He has for me.

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading your post- so glad you are all doing well- I love the photo of your family of 4 outside the courthouse- can't wait to have a picture like that soon...still waiting to be chosen by a birthmom, I know you know how the wait is!:)