Isaiah Edward White

Ok, so back to the story.:)

Overall, it has been an amazing year!! The pain of life not going like I would want it to had lessened tremendously. It would only creep up every once in a while. I would mostly get emotional thinking about my two babies that I lost.  But, overall we had been in such a peaceful place. I also had moments of breaking down in my boss's office bc I hated waiting, I hate not knowing. The PROCESS is hard...it's in the waiting that we are refined! I would get the pangs, every once in a while, of "oh my gosh this is SO out of my control! There is not one thing I can do to change or speed up this process!!"

Throughout the year God had given me so much encouragement and words from others. I truly believe all along He was using those things to just remind me that He sees me, He knows... and He has got a little plan called Isaiah Edward!! I had way more good days than bad, and overall was in a very peaceful and joyful place in life. It just felt so much easier! I also had moments where the adoption seemed SO FAR away, and I would honestly wonder if we could ever even adopt. All these expenses going into things like Home Studies, which all expire after a year. I would find myself here and there looking at our home study and thinking "man time is going fast!".

Ok, so, before I forget. It was one night over a year ago (I have the exact date marked in my Bible) where I couldn't sleep. I was talking with the Lord and just asking Him to somehow encourage me (guess I was in a rough spot at that moment.;)). I had been learning SO much about Him and would hear people say "and then the Lord told me", and I had been learning more about what that means, and how He really speaks to me/us. I had never felt like I heard him so clearly as this night. I was almost asleep when I heard him say go look up Isaiah 26:17. I remember thinking, ok, that wasn't you God. And I am way too tired anyway. And it is probably just going to be some generic verse. But, then I said to myself, HELLO! You were just asking him to speak to you! And that verse literally came out of nowhere! So I go and look it up and here is what it says.
Just as a pregnant woman

writhes and cries out in pain as she gives birth,
so were we in your presence, Lord.

I immediately started crying. Not so much bc I knew what the verse meant.:) But because I knew it was Him speaking to me, telling me He sees me and is right here walking the journey with me. I then proceeded to read the entire chapter, tear it apart, try to find the real meaning, the hebrew or greek meaning, etc etc. That did not good. :) So I took a step back and just decided to take it for what it was worth. Although, I did think that it meant I was pregnant. So in the middle of the night I took two pregnancy tests! I must have taken a thousand of those in my lifetime! I am not one good at resisting those things! Anyway, not pregnant. So I thought ok, probably next month. Again, not pregnant. As the more not pregnant months went by, the more I kinda forgot about the verse and thought Hm, I just must have misunderstood what it meant. But thru a series of different things, the Lord showed me the verse meant that I was going to have another child. Eddie and I both long believed we were going to have another child, by adoption. We decided if we ever have a son, his name will be Isaiah- so we can tell everybody what God did for us! To God be all the glory and honor and praise!!  Slowly, time went on, and I just help onto that promise that I felt like He had given us.  One night a couple weeks ago at Bible study, I found that verse. I looked at the date and could NOT believe it had been over a year! It made me look back at the whole year with such thankfulness. It made me thankful that the Lord had not brought another child into our lives yet. I grew a whole lot that year, and God really dealt with a lot of my junk! I needed those lessons! I needed to deal with my anxiety. I needed to deal with my struggles. And I did! And He set me free! (that is whole nother long blog!!). So, the dream of adoption is continuing along in our heart. We had a couple other possible domestic adoptions that fell through or the mom didn't choose it. What a process!! I told my friend who has adopted two that in the beginning it seems like this glamorous thing, but when you get down to it- IT IS NOT FUN. It is hard! It is scary! It made me sick to my stomach at times! Gosh, it just was not at all what I thought it would be (even though i was warned:)).

So the end of the year comes. On the last day of school the teacher that I worked for, Arlin ,gave me a little pack of baby boy stickers. She had been buying fake flowers at Hobby Lobby and out fell those stickers. She said she felt she was supposed to give them to me....she didn't want me to over analyze it or anything, but she wanted to encourage me. I took them and I said  "to me these are just another reminder in a long line of kind and gracious reminders the Father gives me that He sees, that He remembers, that He is near." I walk out to my car, the very last day of school! What timing! I get a text from my friend asking if Eddie and I are still looking to adopt. She told me that there was a baby born in Jacksonville yesterday (his birthday is may 17) and they needed a family asap or the baby would go into foster care. A huge blessing was that it was so much cheaper than regular domestic adoption would be, bc they were in such a hurry! My friend connected me with a friend who connected me with a friend! The first friend, Carrie, just happened to overhear a conversation about this baby...I think...I still have to get the full story from her!! This all started on the 18th and it has been a total whirlwind!!

I call Eddie and speak to him for about one minute. I had no information to give him. I spoke with a lady who said I needed to get our international home study changed over to domestic, needed to scan the home study to them, and needed to send some pictures for the birth mom to look at , along with a letter to the birth mom. So I quickly did this.  We were leaving for Disney vacation on Friday. Thurs came and went and Friday all day came and went. I got the call that the birth mom had decided to keep her baby.  I was devastated. When Carrie first asked me about this adoption, I was driving. I pulled over onto the side of the road and wept. I just felt like LORD THIS IS IT RIGHT?! I truly felt it was Him. Eddie and I were SO excited to have a new baby boy!! It was heartbreaking but we were just so thankful for Leah, and to be able to go to Disney as a family.

Well, on Monday I drove back for kindergarten graduation. Right after graduation (why I missed the entire reception!!) I got a call from  number I didn't recognize. I answered and it was the birth mom! I was completely caught off guard!! She wanted me to go over that night to meet them!! Eddie was in Orlando and I was flipping out! I said yes. Then I got my bearings and realized that was not the best idea, and that I needed to call the social worker for help. They advised me to meet with her during the day in a public place. So, we met at Chili's. And she brought our baby! I was SO nervous, there are NO words!!! But as soon as we started talking, I felt comfortable. I cant at all explain how it felt to be talking to someone who might give me their child for my own, and to be staring at that beautiful baby. Right when I saw him I felt like he was mine, like he was perfect. He was so teeny and so cute. He only weight 5 lb 10 when he was born. The mother did drink, and all the details of that are not known. He could have fetal alcohol syndrome but we are praying for healing and health and wholeness!  One very good thing about this is that if he does have any affects from the alcohol, we can do all kinds of early intervention. More on that later. Anyway, we were there for 4 hours. I have never met someone like her in my life. I think her goal was to petrify me. But she didnt, and I told her that. I told her I knew it was just a defense mechanism for the hurt she had in her life (her and the birth dad have had a rough life!!). During the meeting we discussed Eddie coming and all 4 of us meeting that night. It was too late by the time we left, bc Eddie was in Orlando still. I had to drive back and was so exhausted and drained and kinda loony actually. I missed every possible exit, took every possible wrong turn, and called my husband bawling saying "i cant do this". Finally I made it back to Orlando.

We drove back to Jville the next day to meet with them for dinner.  They were 30 minutes late and us 15 minutes early. Those 45 minutes were some of the longest minutes of our lives. We didn't talk. We just sat there praying to ourselves, so nervous. The dinner ended up going really well and we were there for over 3 hrs I think. They left it that Friday they would sign the papers (this was wed at the time of the dinner). I hated that. I hated having to drive back to Orlando and wonder. We held Isaiah the entire time we were at dinner and we fell in love. He was an angel baby and he was ours. Praise the Lord that she called the next morning and said can you drive back to sign papers today? Hallelujah!!! Back to jville we drove. I cried a lot before leaving there. I cant even begin to explain the mix of emotions. I was sitting outside talking with Eddie and I walked inside and our IPOD was playing. I think God knew I needed to hear this exact like "let now the lost  be welcomed home, those you saved and redeemed, those adopted as your own". Thats when the tears really came. I was thinking oh my gosh, this is it, this is really it. could this really be it? oh my GOOOSSHHHH!!! So we quickly drove back again, went to Target and filled up two carts full of all that we would need immediately (car seat etc), and drove to the laywers office. I asked the laywer if the thought they would show. He said yes, but you can never be sure. When we heard those doors open we were able to breath again! Then they had to go in another room with him to sign papers, and we could overhere them talking some. It was agonizing waiting...wondering...wondering if they were going to change their minds. You see, they truly love this baby. That is why they let him go. Its a long story and I don't need to get into it here, but they did what was best for this baby. They did the right thing, BECAUSE they love him, not bc they were trying to escape.

When the lawyer came out of the room and said congratulations, the tears flowed freely again, among all of us! We went into the room to gives them hugs. We thanked them. We sat in silence. We cried. We walked them out and cried some more. We said how do we thank you for giving us our miracle baby, our dream come true? Words cannot express that. We told them we would pray for them every day. The mom held tight to each other us, tears streaming down, not wanting to let go (she is not a hugger!). Then watching her tears fall on her (but now our) babies face...it was so painful. so so painful.

But, we were soon jumping for joy!!!! All in a matter of 8 days we had our precious miracle!!! Isaiah in the Bible is AWESOME!! And it's all about God adopting/redemption of His people to be His own. We are believing for amazing things for our son. We believe God has placed such a calling on His life...He was not supposed to be here. The mother wanted an abortion but it was too late. She had had 3 other abortions before. When she said "he is not supposed to be here...I guess God has some plan for him", I said You are looking at that plan (meaning our family).

We drove back to Orlando the next day and it was SO fun watching our munchkin meet Isaiah! She has been praying for a baby sister for so long, but says a baby brother will do! She called him my little baby brother....she is so sweeet to Him and so happy we get to keep him! We cannot believe we have a family of 4!! Life as we know it is over!! :) Our house is a total disaster, nothing is ready for a baby, we have no game plan of any sort, we are running on empty, we are exhausted- but its ALL SO GOOD! We pray we remember this story forever and ever and ever!!

Oh, there was another birth family lined up but they booked it outta town and no one ever heard from them. That is why the birth mom said she was keeping him...bc she was really hurt and upset. But then she called down and decided to call. Praise the Lord she called!!

I wish I could print all of you guys amazing emails on here, encouraging us and standing by us! I have a hold folder (well folder on my email) that I need to do something with.

Hopefully I will be posting more updates/blogs on here! I know I forgot a million little details that are so important and special. Pray my brain remembers them so I can write them down, to share with our little buddy someday!! I love you all and am so thankful for you!

Ephesians 3:20-21
 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or imagine. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.


Proverbs 16:9
We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps




Isaiah 55:9
 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts