2 months

Isaiah had his two month check up today. I am always so excited to see how much he weighs! It seems like each day he gets healthier, happier, and chubbier! Today he is 10 days past his 2 month mark so the numbers may be a bit high, but who cares about that. J He weighed 12 lb and 2oz, and was 23 inches long! He is now somewhere in the 25-50% range which is AMAZING! At birth, Isaiah was under 2%. At his 1 month he was around 20%. So it just keeps getting better and better. He has rolls all over and they are just too cute.

He still is just such a good baby. He is rarely fussy, is sleeping 7-8 stretches most nights, is smiling and cooing, and loves to be held. It is amazing being his mommy. Every day I truly love him more. I can say that this HAS been a bonding process. I loved him from the start, but the depth of the love continues to grow and grow. “They” say on average it takes 2-6 months fully bond with an adopted child. There is comfort in knowing that most moms go through similar things and struggles with adoption. My friend and I were talking about starting an adoption support group! It would be for people who have adopted, are interested in adopting, or just want to hear more…the Lord has placed that on our heart and we hope to one day begin doing that.

The other day at the park with my friend Stephanie and her two kids, I took the girls to the bathroom. Steph and her 7 year old son were just standing over Isaiah in his stroller staring at him. Josh said "He is going to be something real good someday. I just know it. I can just tell". Prophetic words over Isaiah! God has such a plan for his life, I just know it!

I can’t explain what an honor it is to adopt. I can’t explain how thankful I am to the Lord that He called us to be Isaiah’s mommy and daddy, and Leah his amazing and wonderful big sister. I am so so thankful. I think the thankfulness is still just shitting…because it’s SO crazy how it all happened!

Since adopting, our heart and desires have opened so much more, and we know that God is capable of more than we could ever think or ask or imagine. How amazing is that? Any plan I can come up with, on my best day- His is infinitely better. And it is so comforting to know that He sees beginning to end. There is no time to our Father. He knows what is best for each of His children, and I want to continue to learn to rest in that fast. Eddie and I still believe we will have another biological child, but we also want to adopt another child too. Reading my friend Laura’s blog who adopted special needs girls from China…oh man, my heart is there!!  I spent some time on her page reading and watching their family videos (a family of 9!), and my heart melted! What joy- what true and pure joy- they have. Joy that the world may not understand, but that it can’t take away.

I often wonder what our lives would look like if we really truly embraced all that God had for us…if we didn’t wait until it felt right, or made sense, or we could afford it….if we didn’t think about things like it will be too hard, there is no way, it will mess up my family, what if its too much….what if we just let go of all of those questions- in complete surrender to Abba Father; trusting that He is who He says He is. Trusting that he is the author and perfector of our faith. Trusting that He gives us all good things and more. Trusting that every part of Him is good and trustworthy. Trusting that if He asked us to lay it all down for the sake of His calling, that it would be worth it. Oh, it would be so worth it, I just know it.  I think…we could adopt special needs girls from China. I would LOVE to. Then the what ifs and the hows and the fears creep in. What if we said no to fear and what ifs EVERY SINGLE TIME. What if we didn’t wait for the feelings to come to do what we believe we are supposed to do. What if we stepped out in total faith (and without a warm fuzzy feeling) just because God told us to; and then the feelings arrive because we obeyed and we are able to say “thank you so much Lord for not allowing me to miss out on this best thing you had for my life.” We miss out on so much, I just know we do.

I want to learn to relinquish total control. I want to learn what it means to live in complete surrender.  I want to come to a place of utter reliance and complete trust in my loving Heavenly Father. At this place, I know we can do anything. We can endure anything. And through it all we will have peace and joy that does not make sense to those who don’t know Him. A peace, that the Bible says, surpasses all human understanding. Truly, often the hard and agonizing way, is the best way. It’s where we are broken. When we are broken He is able to step in and be our strength. Paul said he delights to be weak bc when he is weak, Christ can be strong. Jesus desires to be our strength. He longs to give us every good gift (that may not come packaged as a pretty gift, but as a special needs child that would seem anything but a gift).  I think we miss out on so many good gifts that our Lord wants to give to us. I don’t want to miss out on those gifts anymore.

I pray He continues to awaken our hearts to HIS HEART. I want what He wants, bottom line…..and I see more little ones in our future, that’s for sure.