We have a son!!

Hello world! It has been months since I have blogged. I started strong but faded quickly.:) Well, it's time to start blogging again BECAUSE WE HAVE A SON!!!!

I have found myself starting this blog so many times over the last couple days, but stopping bc I can't seem to find the words to say what I want. How in the world am I supposed to sum up such a miracle and try to put words to the joy we have in our hearts because of Isaiah Edward White? This story might take a few blogs. It's after 12 am and I am fading fast; but I figure if I at least start, it will be easier to keep going.

So, about 3.5 years ago Eddie and I started trying for our second child. We got pregnant quickly and miscarried, and then the same thing happened again. It has been over 3 years since we were able to get pregnant. These years have been some of the most difficult, emotional, heartwrenching, and painful years we have known. It's hard when you plan your life out and think everything will go a certain way. I thought I would have 4 kids by the time I was 25! Well, obviously that didn't happen. But, it has been worth every second! God hs been SO near and so present in every tear and sorrow. He has made us lean on Him in a way we never had to before. He had made our marriage stronger and our love for each other deeper. He has made us cherish every moment with Leah and not take her for granted. I could list a thousand blessings that have come out of this time period in our lives. Neither one of us would trade them for anything. It has been SO WORTH IT.

During these past years we did a few attempts at fertility treatments (lower level treatments). To be honest, I hated them. It was so hard to invest so much time and energy (every other day ultrasounds, shots, hormones etc etc), wait two weeks, and get the call saying "I am so sorry". Each time I would get the call I would say in a cheerful voice "that's ok! What's next?" Then my voice would crack and I would have to hang up. Then I would go sob. I did a lot of sobbing these past years....the first year was definitely the hardest. Then the tears/pain became more spread out and not consuming. It is so hard to explain. I know for those of you who have experienced fertility difficulty, you get it. For those of you who haven't, it may be hard to understand. You may think "well you already have one child", or something like that. People for the most part were very sensitive and supportive. But there were definitely times I felt totally alone and sad. One day I would be totally fine and peaceful and the next I would be a doubting wreck. People would give their well meaning advice, but really, going through any sort of infertility, there isn't much advice that should be given. There isn't much wisdom or words that someone can try to say that will help. Obviously, people are well meaning. But, I have found that usually with fertility struggles, a listening ear and a hug means the most. If you know someone going throug this- just be there for them. Let them know you don't want to talk their pain away or give advice..you just want to love them.

Anyway, so as I was saying, I hated fertility treatments. My husband was not a big fan either. I know people they have worked miracles for, and I think that is SO awesome. God just had other plans for us. My whole entire life I had wanted to adopt. That dream died for a little bit there, but God used our fertility struggles to ressurect that dream and multiply it many times over! God also did an amazing work in my husband's heart. We no longer wanted to pursue fertility. We no longer found ourselves saying "we just want one more of our own first, then we will adopt." We found ourselves saying "The Lord has called us to do and we will obey no matter what the cost, because His ways are best". Adoption switched from being something that could bring us what we wanted (another child) to a calling the Lord placed on our lives. So, we began the journey.

In the beginning, it was a whirlwind. Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Home studies, fingerprints, background checks etc. We got it all done super quickly, and then began the waiting period.
I shared in a different post how we came to plan on adopting thru His Hands in Taiwan (and we still plan on it!!). I shared, I believe, some about Ladybug, the little baby girl we were praying about adopting that had special needs. It was an agonizing period. We fell in love with her. We wanted the answer to be yes. But, we heard nothing. We didn't hear yes or no. So, we said "we don't know". Praying through that whole situation was emotional and painful. At one point we really thought we were Ladybug's parents. We fell in love with her. She lived with my sister and my family, and we got updates about here every single day.

God had other plans. Ladybug has been adopted by another wonderful family and we are so thankful for that. The day we found that out, we were SO excited for her, yet experienced some sorrow too. It's hard to explain. As we looked back on the whole process with Ladybug, we knew that God wanted to use it for good in our lives. We knew, even though we didn't bring her home, that He had a purpose in allowing us to walk down that path.

I know we don't know all the reasons for that yet, and we may never know. But, we do know a very HUGE AND IMPORTANT REASON!!!! It was so that when we got a call saying there was a baby that needed a home, and that his mom drank during her pregnancy, we didn't blink an eye. If we had not prayed through special needs before, I believe in my heart we would have been too scared....because it's unknown. The effects of alcohol on a baby have such a huge range/spectrum. He could be totally fine, or he could be really affected. But, walking through the situation with Ladybug opened up our hearts completely to whatever the Lord would have for us. It made us realize, wow Lord, thru you all things are possible. No matter what you call us to, you will give us the mercy and grace to walk it out! It doesn't have to make sense to us, it just has to be from you. We learned even more so that we wanted what HE wanted for us, not what WE thought would be best. God is the giver of all good things, and we KNOW He will provide us with all we need to raise our beautiful son.

He is crying now, so I am going to post this and get to the details of how Isaiah came into our family as soon as I can! Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors, etc- no time to proof read! I am just speed typing as I sit here and process! :)